make your own traditions

I've had three people so far tell me this - that not going back East this year to be with family wasn't such a bad thing, as it will allow us to make our own traditions. The problem is that I rather like the ones we already have, so this particular sentiment wasn't all that helpful. I mean, I kind of agree. We're shaping Ben's Christmas experience and we get to do it however we like, but there's a lot to be said for longstanding traditions.

This will be the second year that we've stayed in California for Christmas. After the first time we said we'd never do it again. It was lonely. But that was before we had an energetic baby who makes the prospect of a cross country flight terrifying. So we stay. We long to have family near most of the year anyway, and the holidays just amplify that. I'm drawn to all the sappy commercials of smiling people gathering over long, beautifully decorated tables full of food and even though I know that they were just actors who probably didn't know each other from Adam I always think to myself how lucky they are.

I'm lucky too though, and it's important that I remember that. I'll be here with my little family and we'll have the best Christmas we possibly can. I hope memories are made and happiness abounds. So many people don't even have the chance at that, so despite my previous statements I really am looking forward to Christmas even if it's not quite the way I wish it could be.

fifteen

Is it too early for New Year's resolutions? Because mine is going to be, among other things, to keep this blog updated. Like seriously and for real. I look back at my old posts and I'm so glad they're there as a record of days that are already long forgotten. And it makes me sad to think there are huge chunks of time missing where in another year I won't be able to remember all the awesomeness that unfolded during that time. So that's my New Year's resolution, a month early.

As of his 15 month appointment this morning he is 23.6 lbs, 30.25 inches tall, and still rocking a massive 97th percentile head. He's in the 60th percentile for weight which is basically smack in the middle, but only 20th percentile for height. Often people will ask me how old he is and then say that he's so tall for his age, which clearly is not true. I happen to enjoy my pocket sized peanut, and even though he may be smaller than the other kids at the playground he makes up for it in personality.

I won't even try to go through everything that's happened since the last time I wrote. Suffice to say, my walking, nearly talking baby hardly seems much like a baby anymore. So very strange.

If I ask him to get his shoes he runs over to the shoe bin and digs through the many pairs to find his tiny little blue and orange sneakers. I can ask him to get me a book by title and he can easily pick it out of the dozens he has. If I ask if he's hungry he will run over to his high chair and wait for me. If I ask if he wants to go outside he'll run to the door. He can point to his nose, blink his eyes, stick out his tongue, and chomp his teeth when asked. He giggles a lot. He knows how to do a Down Dog yoga pose. He's still a maniac for buttons of all shapes and sizes.

He's picking up signs like crazy now, after months of me signing to him with no hint of comprehension. So far we've got more, all done, milk, blueberry, water, and poop. We're working on waffle, cheese and bagel.

And now the holidays are upon us again. He's probably still to young to remember much, but at least this year he can actively participate. Christmastime holds some of my happiest memories from childhood. I hope the same will be true for him.

Summery summary

It's been a while since I've updated which is to be expected when summer rolls around. No one should waste the summer glued to a computer screen. There is so much that has happened since my last post that if I went into detail I'd be writing a novella, so a quick summary will work just fine.
Little Mister is on the move big time. Not walking yet, but crawling everywhere, and cruising along furniture. He will use anything that moves to walk behind and is getting better and better. I don't think it will be that long till I have a little sprinter. He's also already turned 11 months just a couple of days ago. Which also means in less than month is his first birthday. Can someone tell me where that year went?

Other fun things he's doing:
Waves bye, likes to chase people, plays peek a boo with curtains, continues to love most foods put in front of him, loves to pull the books off of the bookshelf and also clothes out of dressers/stuff out of drawers/anything that makes a mess, tries desperately to open childproofed cabinets, puts one object inside of another one and then takes it out again - repeat, chase the cats

Stuff he doesn't like:
Getting dressed or getting his diaper changed, not getting to play with electronic things, not getting to play in the toilet, beans

There's a few more in each category but in general he's a happy guy

In other news, we've been busy with trips and moving. We're settled into the new house and it's incredible to actually have space. And quiet. And a yard. I don't miss apartment life in the least. I only wish we owned a house but I guess for now I should just be happy I have one to call home. I've been taking full advantage of our plentiful fruit trees and have made many bowls of guacamole and pitchers of sangria using our citrus.

Speaking of important first birthdays coming up, I've been busily planning Little Mister's. Some people go all out, but I wanted it to be low-key while still being fun and somewhat coordinated. So I'm going with a color scheme instead of a character, since he doesn't know or give a hoot about Winnie the Pooh or Elmo. I've been browsing Pinterest looking for fun decorations to make, and have enjoyed attempting a few. Some people get stressed planning parties but I think it's fun. That said, I actually enjoy fretting over the details but it is a lot of work so if someone just wants to blow up some balloons and throw a Betty Crocker cake mix in the oven I certainly wouldn't blame them.

Fun fact

Sometimes when I'm out I'll see a kid that sort of looks like Ben, and I stare for an inappropriate amount of time without realizing it. I'll imagine Ben like that, talking with me at Starbucks or running through the playground, until I lock eyes with either him or Mama Hen. The kid usually looks away shyly, the mom usually shoots me a glare. I understand. I'd do the same thing if some woman was eyeballing my child for a full forty-five seconds from across the room. The lesson here is I need to learn to be less conspicuous with my gawking.

And now you know.

Summertime

I guess it's technically not summer yet, but in my mind June will always equal summer. Long days and warm late nights. Bon fires and s'mores. Crickets. Windows open  everywhere. Sangria and lemonade.

As of last Thursday, 5/31, we have a crawler! And real crawling this time, no more rolling or inching. Little Mister is also pulling up to stand, and will gladly use any leg available to do so. He also delights in the cats, who may have finally begrudgingly accepted that he's a permanent addition.

This summer is going to fly by. It's just barely started and it's already booked. Trips back east. Moving. A special birthday. And then it's September. And even though September is just when it starts to get to get really hot here, in my mind September will always equal fall. Fall quickly becomes the holidays. Then it starts over - its dizzying really.

I'm just trying to savor every moment as it races past.

just a day

You never notice how noisy a place can be until you've tried to keep a baby asleep in it. If it isn't someone banging, yelling, laughing loudly right outside the window, people having a party in the courtyard or the rattly beeping elevator, it's something else. We signed our new lease on Saturday, and to say I'm excited would be an understatement.

Ben has been sick, and it's been challenging. Challenging because of course I want to make him feel better but can't, and that's frustrating. It's also sometimes frustrating to stay compassionate when he's screaming in my ear, or crying inconsolably for seemingly no reason. I'm constantly having to test my patience and remember that he's not feeling well. He took a two and half hour nap yesterday, which is basically unheard of for him, and afterward was so sweet and happy for a good three hours. Sleep is such a key element for him, sick or not, and I'm just not sure how to insure he gets more of it. I'm doing my best.

He will be nine months soon - crazy.

Also, today I heard about a house in San Francisco that cost 550,000 dollars, and my first reaction was, "That's so cheap, something must be wrong with it." Thanks California, for warping any sense of real estate normalcy that may have existed.

updates

Hot on the heels of my last post is our amazing news: we found a house! To rent, not buy. And I'm very excited. I haven't lived in an actual home for a very long time and I'm looking forward to having a place to really be able to grow in. It's the little things I'm most looking forward to. A driveway. A little yard that I don't have to share with anyone. A back porch where I can drink coffee in the mornings and not have twenty other people all doing the same thing, awkwardly looking at each other. I'm still a little nervous that it's somehow going to fall through, but I'm having faith that it won't.

Ben is doing all kinds of crazy things, like starting to pull up on things. Crawling is not necessary when you can just walk over and get it, right? At least I think that's what he's thinking. I think walking is a ways off, but he will probably walk sooner rather than later. Besides that, he just looks older to me on a daily basis. Not so much a baby as he is a little boy. Weird and awesome. And amazing, just like him.

By the way, Mother's Day was fantastic and full of pancakes in bed, surprise picnics and hiking through Redwood forests. Pretty great.

rent

I've been in a bit of a time warp lately and April has gone incredibly fast. Both Ben and I have a bit of a cold, and since I don't get sick often I forget how out of sorts being sick makes you. I'm not sure what caused it although he was chewing on some communal toys at the museum this weekend. He's also getting one of his top front teeth which could have something to do with it. Poor baby, I hate to see him suffering while a giant tooth slowly makes its way out.

In case you didn't know, I have a bit of an Etsy obsession and although I usually just browse, occasionally I'll find something I really like. Recently I bought a necklace with two small hammered disks, one with a B and one with a Z. I also just bought today this vintage crewel embroidery wall hanging. I've been looking for something just like this but had something specific in mind, and this pretty much covers everything I was looking for. It's just my taste, and I know it will brighten up white walls of our somewhat charmless apartment.

Speaking of apartments, I feel a bit stuck where we're at right now. Our place is decent but there are a lot of things about it I don't like. It seems that it just keeps getting smaller and smaller. There's not a good spot for the cat litter. The apartment complex itself has it's own list of issues. I certainly don't hate it here, but I'm getting that itch again that's telling me it's getting time to move on. The problem is that we've agreed that we don't want to move unless it's to a place that's significantly better than where we're at. Eventually we'd like to buy a house but since the market is terrible right now for buyers we would at least like to rent a house. It sounds so simple - we'll just find a nice house to rent in a nice neighborhood and that will be that. Unfortunately there's hardly anything available in the areas we like, and when one does pop up it's either prohibitively expensive (like the one I found today that would be perfect but was $4000 a month) or it's snapped up immediately (like the one we were interested in this weekend that was rented within an hour of the ad being posted).

I just want Ben to have a somewhat normal growing up experience and for me, the place you live is a big part of that. Neighbors. A yard to play in. Sidewalks to ride your bike. I know it will happen eventually but for the time being I feel like we've hit a wall and are stuck in rental purgatory.

prison break

As I've mentioned, the car was the preferred place of napping for the Little Mister. Did you hear (read?) that - I said was. Victorious! I was really beginning to feel like a naptime prisoner to a tiny little czar-like dictator so I decided to do something about it. And it worked. We started Monday, and it's now Friday and I'm happy to say that naps are much better. He naps peacefully in his crib and I can get things done. Very important things like writing this post. It feels so amazing to have made progress with this and it gives me hope that the next issue that creeps up can be resolved with a little resolve. It would have been easy to give in but that wouldn't have helped anybody in the long run.

If you have kids and figured out the nap thing early - bravo! If you have babies that aren't on a good routine it's possible to start one but do it now - don't wait. If you don't have kids and think that you knew all this already and I should have known too - sorry, people without children are not allowed to give people with children advice about child rearing. If you want to have kids someday, I can't stress enough how important naps are and I wish I would have done this long ago.  And I consider myself pretty prepared. I read the books, I took the classes and yet I don't remember anyone ever telling me how very important a good nap schedule is. So now, I'm just sitting back, enjoying the silence, getting ready for a nice relaxing shower and looking forward to a good day with a newly happy rested babe.

the battle rages on

The nap battle that is. The whole "baby will only nap in the car" thing is still going on, but now it's getting old. And very expensive. The amount of gas is takes per week to drive around, or idle in a parking lot, just for the sake of keeping Benjamin asleep has reached the ridiculous status. We fill up the car every six days in an average week and more often if we went somewhere over the weekend. This is not only a huge waste of money, but a terrible ecofail.

Besides that, I just can't get anything done. I can't clean the house, grocery shop, eat a proper lunch or do anything else besides read from the car while he's napping. It's time this ends because feeling like every minute of your day is being dictated by a very tiny person is not fun. So mommy is cracking the nap whip. I'm not quite sure what all that will entail, but it's time. Night time involves a routine which seems to be working well, so I'll probably start with a shorter modified version of that. And I'm prepared for the crying, because there will be some (or a lot) I'm sure. I wish it didn't have to be this way. For everyone who has kids that blissfully drift off to dreamland without a protest, count yourself lucky and try not to judge me because I hate Ferberization just as much as you do.

Desperate times and all that.

legal shmegal

Remember in my first post, when I said that I would keep the ranting to a minimum but wouldn't cut it out completely? Well I need to rant for just a minute so bear with me.

Benjamin wears a mix of cloth and disposable diapers but it's been mostly disposable the last few days because I haven't had the time to wash the cloth ones. Disposables (or 'sposies as some call them - there's a whole lexicon waiting to be discovered if you dare) work amazingly well at soaking up any and everything thanks to a laundry list of chemicals, most importantly polymer gels that can hold many times their own weight in liquid. Ben stays in one overnight, so about 10 hours, just fine. That said, at night he's sleeping, not rolling around and can't really feel uncomfortable thanks to his unconsciousness.

During the day is another story. I don't like to let him go for more than a couple of hours because I don't really think letting my child live with a sewer strapped to his body is pleasant or appropriate.  Here comes the rant: Public establishments should be required by law to provide baby changing facilities in their restrooms. The reason? Babies are helpless. Helpless people are usually classified as disabled. The disabled have rights, one being the right to access of certain facilities. It wouldn't be OK if these establishments decided to have a bathroom that wasn't handicap accessible - in fact it would be downright illegal. So, in conclusion babies are disabled and therefore need to have a place where they can be changed so they don't have to sit in their own waste like barnyard animals. Man, I should have been a lawyer!

Ok, so maybe the Mom-n-Pop store on the corner gets a buy. Maybe. Large national chains, sorry. I'm looking at you Safeway on Shoreline Blvd.

And, end rant.

you is important

We rarely get to watch movies these days because precious free time is usually filled with things that need to get done, or equally precious sleep. However, I had really been wanting to see The Help for a while and so last night I mustered up the motivation to stay awake long enough to do so. The verdict: I really really liked it.

The part that stuck with me was when one of the maids, Abilene, was taking care of the little girl of the family she worked for. Everyday she would tell the little girl, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important," and then have the girl repeat it. Bad grammar aside, what an important thing to give a child. To tell them they're special and why, and then have them say it themselves. To really believe it. Think what kind of adults kids would become if the were told daily, and really believed, that they were kind, smart and important. I think with Benjamin, and future children, I'll start a little mantra of my own.

good crafternoon: the nursery tour

As promised (a while ago) here's the nursery tour! As I wasn't working for a good chunk of time before baby came I was able to create a nursery that I really love. This is definitely my favorite place to be in the house (erm, apartment). Sometimes living in a giant apartment complex gets a little dull. You know that, save for maybe different furniture and a few pictures on the wall, your apartment looks just like your neighbors. And your neighbor's neighbor. Having a nice nursery allows me to have a little bit of a retreat - somewhere Benjamin and I can hang out, nurse, rest, read and play. Everything in it was carefully chosen or made. Some of it was collected on travels or received as gifts from friends and family, and all of it is special in its own way.

The first thing we did was paint. This took an absurdly long time. Between vacillating over paint colors, buying the supplies and then actually painting the walls it took probably a month or more to just get the base color on. At first we were just going to do an accent wall, but I didn't want to regret not doing the whole room later and I'm glad we decided to press on. After that came the stenciling. I used the large elephant stencil and one of the flower/leaf stencils from this awesome stencil book I got on our trip to Boston last summer. I painstaking made sure they were level and as evenly spaced as I could all the way around the room. Then I went back and retouched each one up so it looked nice.

Next came the bookshelves which may be my favorite thing in the room. I knew that I wanted books to be in the nursery, but the room is kind of small and I didn't want to have to buy more furniture. When I saw this tutorial for wall mounted cloth bookshelf "pockets" I knew I wanted to make them. I chose the fabric to match the blue/green theme that was already going on in the room and got to work. These were really easy to make, but not having a lot of sewing experience it was still a test of my skills to use my sewing machine. I made the top pocket smaller to hold the small books so they would stay visible and
wouldn't be swallowed up.

I added a little artwork above the books. The middle picture is a card from Benjamin's aunt that fit perfectly in the frame. The larger side pictures are adorable wrapping paper that some of his gifts came wrapped in at my baby shower.

This is the changing table area long before it was ever used as a changing table. It's basically glorified storage at this point but hanging in front of it is a green, blue and yellow bunting I crocheted. I got the idea from my favorite craft blog.

 This mobile came from the little gift store attached to the Tenement Museum in NYC. We were there for a wedding in May and randomly decided to stop by for the museum tour. I really enjoyed going there, so this is a nice reminder of that day and our trip.

The dresser, full of clothes ready to be worn. The blue lamp on top is from a friend who was planning on getting rid of it because it didn't give off enough light. But a dim light is perfect for a nursery, plus it is blue and the perfect size so I scooped it up.

These little guys I crocheted. I made the elephant first, and I was so happy with how it turned out I was motivated to make something else. The giraffe was a little more challenging but I'm also really happy with that one as well. I don't know if they'll be used as toys because I'm not sure how they would hold up to tugging, but maybe as sleep pals or something they would be fine. The patterns are from here.

I painted this guy at one of those "paint your own pottery then we'll glaze and fire it and you come get it in a week" places.

The crib and chair. The sheet on the crib is from Pottery Barn Kids. It matched so perfectly to the walls, and the rest of the room in general, that I sucked it up and spent the $16 on it. The crib, dresser and changing table are all part of a set that we got at Babies R Us. There's so much to consider when buying this stuff that it was hard for an indecisive person like me to choose, but after several trips to go look at it in person we made a decision. The chair is the same story. Also from Babies R Us, I really liked it the first time I sat in one at the store but it had bad reviews online. People said it squeaked, or was clunky, or needed to be sent back for one reason or another. I was nervous, but decided to give it a shot and I've been really happy with it. Also, Made in America!

So there it is. It's a place I created with love. It makes me sad to know that one day, probably sooner rather than later, we won't live here anymore and Benjamin probably won't remember it. I wish we could take it with us when we move but we can't. And now that he's actually here, I have far less time than I did before and can't realistically see myself recreating it completely in a new house. I suppose, like most other things, I will just have to takes lots of pictures and make lots of memories to share with him instead. 

car dreams

This post is brought you to direct from the front seat of a blue Volkswagen. In a Bed Bath & Beyond parking lot. Little Mister has taken to napping very well in the car - not so much at home. While I can usually get him to fall asleep in his crib, I'm lucky if he stays that way for half an hour. But the car, and her sweet humming sounds and soothing vibrating motions, lull him to sleep quickly and keep him that way for easily an hour. This has been going on for over a month and at first I resisted it as being the start of a bad habit. Now I'm rolling with it. Literally.

When he wakes up we'll go into BB&B (purveyor of fine home goods since ??) and return a bum teapot. Until then, thank goodness for smart phones as I can actually still get things accomplished.

greased lightening

I often don't really notice the passing of time, and then it hits me all at once. I always joke that Benjamin seems exactly the same to me as the day he was born. Of course when I look back he's changed drastically, but I find myself wondering exactly when it happened.

I cleaned out his dresser yesterday because it was so full of stuff that didn't fit I could hardly put an outfit together. I filled an entire under-the bed box with clothing he's already outgrown! As I sorted through everything it was so strange to pack up the outfits I got before he was born, especially the ones I got early on in the pregnancy. They hung in his closet for so long, and for so long I would look at them and touch them dreaming of the little boy that would wear them. Some seemed so big - like I would never actually have a child big enough to wear them. And now their packed up, too small and only worn a few times.

I notice it in everything. His feet that hang over his car seat, being able to reach the toy fish that hangs above his swing (that once seemed impossibly far away), being able to ride in the cart at the store or the swing at the playground. Rolling all over any where he wants to go.

I love every minute as it speeds by.

Letters to Benjamin

Dear Baby Boy,

I wish I would have started writing these letters earlier, but I've been too busy staring at your perfect face. You are already 6 months old! I just can't believe it. You're turning into such an inquisitive little boy. This has been a big couple of months for you! So far you've learned to grab your feet (Jan. 9th), roll from front to back (Jan. 16th) AND back to front (Jan. 22nd). Just in the last few days you've started rolling so much that if we set you down and look away for just a second you're in a completely different place. You started solids on your 5 month birthday and are thoroughly enjoying them. So far you've had rice cereal, bananas, peas, sweet potatoes, pears, peaches and squash. You love to feed yourself by grabbing the spoon out of my hands and sticking it right into your mouth. And of course you love to get it all over the place a make a big mess :) I'm hoping we can start giving you more exciting flavors soon so you can love all of the delicious ethnic food your daddy and I love so much. Also very exciting is your first tooth! I noticed it during your bath (Feb. 16th) just getting ready to poke through, and now it's definitely on it's way out. I wasn't sure when you'd get your first tooth, but since 6 months is the average you're right on schedule. Suffice it to say, you've been a busy boy.

So many things are happening so quickly, and I can barely keep up. But it's good for me to try, so keep impressing me little mister. You amaze me everyday!

Love,
Mama

oh hello there

So, I lapsed. BUT, I haven't forgotten about this blog in the least. In fact, there have been dozens of times I've thought, "I should write a post, it's been awhile." Alas, the time fairy hasn't been around lately and that coupled with the usual holiday madness has prevented me from posting. But here I am, back for more!

Little Mister gets more awesome everyday. I really need to be keeping better track of his milestones, because they happen and then just like that they become part of the everyday. Plus, I know that in a few years it will be neat to look back and know the date he did something new. Lets see, since I last wrote he's accomplished quite a lot. Around 3 months old I pulled him up to sit, and he went right to standing! He's now over 4 months and can stand easily by himself (well, holding onto my fingers). He also, just over Christmas vacation back home in Michigan, started giggling, really taking a pacifier (finally and thank you) and getting oh so close to rolling over. He also developed an even greater fascination with the TV and phone screens, a little to my dismay. I realize I can't keep him away from that stuff forever, but I can try. I don't need a three year old who can download apps and buy On Demand movies at will.

I'm going to start posting about different crafts - ones I've completed, ones I'm working on and ones that I want to do. I think first I'll do a tour of the nursery - my biggest craft of all (not including my sweet boy)