22

I figured I better write an update for month 22 before it slips away! Man, the summer is flying by. Ben's language skills continue to astound me, and I feel like everyday he says something that leaves me wondering where he learned it. He started singing songs this month which is beyond adorable. He sings the entire ABC's by himself, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star flawlessly. The first time he did it I couldn't believe it. It's not like he just mumbles along to a tune - each word is pronounced near perfectly. He's also started "reading," basically filling in the words of books we've read hundreds of times.

I had this journal where everyday you write a couple of lines about the highlights of that day. You do it everyday for 5 years, and can go back and see what you were doing on that day however many years ago. I loved that thing and faithfully wrote in it every night. Mundane things to anyone but me - the first time Ben did this or that. I took it to Tahoe with us and left it in the bedside table at the hotel. I realized immediately when we got home and called. and called. and called. and left messages for this person and that manager. No one knew anything about it. I have no idea why someone would want it, so I guess it got thrown away. I only had been writing in it for a few months, but those are memories I'll never get to read about again. I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and get a new one.

The pushing is STILL and issue. I keep waiting for it to go away completely but I'm learning maybe I shouldn't hold my breath. He rarely hits me anymore, and when he does he usually apologized immediately and tries to give me a kiss. He definitely knows it's not ok, and really that's mostly what I want. With other kids though, it's like it doesn't register that he did anything wrong.

I've been thinking lately about how I'm happy in this role that I'm in, and how I can't think of doing anything other than embracing it. The thought of going back to work sometimes sounds alluring, but then I think about Ben. Who would raise him? Daycare? A nanny? No. That's my job. Every time I look at him I see time passing before my eyes. I only will have this day with him once. He will only be like this once. And I don't want my memories of these years to be hurried dinners and jam packed weekends. I want them to be lazy lunches, and reading stacks of books, and walks outside, and holding hands. I want to be the one to take care of him. I understand some people have no choice but to work, and I'm incredibly thankful that I'm not one of them.

Turning 21!

Months that is. 21 months has been a fun one so far, possibly my favorite. For one thing we've had another crazy language explosion and I feel like Ben can now get across just about anything he wants to say. 4 word sentences are no biggie these days, and it's so fun to see what's going on inside of that little head. Just yesterday, we were talking about all his friends at daycare and he started naming them. Half the names I didn't recognize (since I don't know all of the kids there) but it was clear he was talking about people he knew. Not even 2 years old and he already has a social life apart from me.

Along with the better grasp of language has been an ability to reason with him more, and to make him understand things. If he wants to go for a walk and I say he has to wear his hat and he protests, I just have to say that if he won't wear it then we can't go for a walk. I might have to repeat myself a few times but eventually he understands that he has to do something to get what he wants. This goes for food, diaper changes...pretty much everything. That's not to say we don't have our struggles as he is a toddler, but at least now I feel like we can usually come to an agreement on most things. 

I'm happy to report the hitting and pushing has gotten much better. He still does it occasionally, and so I'm not completely comfortable just letting him run free with lots of other kids around but FINALLY I can say there is real progress. If he's about to run into someone he will make a concerted effort to move around them instead of just pushing them out of the way, and he rarely hits other kids anymore. He does still hit me, especially when he's frustrated, but we're dealing with it and at least when he does it he knows that it's wrong.

In other news, I had a revelation today. From reading the book I mentioned before I realized that Ben does not handle transitions well, and it relatively slow to adapt. A transition can be anything, but it's particularly hard for him when it's one activity after another in a short amount of time.  I've always thought this was just something he would grow out of and signed us up for activities that I thought he would enjoy, not really taking into account the fact that they were incredibly structured. Case in point, this morning. We're doing a little three week nature class called Tiny Treks that's suppose to be geared for toddlers but it goes at such a fast pace it sets him up to get anxious and overwhelmed. In the span of two hours we ring bells, sing songs, go a mini hike, do a craft, have a snack, read several books, and get hand stamps. He was having a really hard time with it today, all he wanted to do was push the teachers little cart back and forth, and could care less about all the other stuff going on. But I pushed him (thinking that he needed to get something out of it and that I needed to get my moneys worth) and it didn't end well. The same thing with Gymboree - he loves to climb on the structures but hates the songs, the activites, the parachute time. It just moves too fast for him. 

Compare this to a couple days ago when we went to PLAY! in Los Altos and he had a grand time. No structure, no one telling him how to play. We were there for two hours and he spent the majority of it pushing a little toy shopping cart around putting the fake food in a taking it back out. That's what he wanted to do, and was so happy just to be left alone to do it. 

So even though today was frustrating, it was good in the sense that I finally realized I was doing these things because I thought they should be fun, even though for him they weren't. I got home, cancelled our Gymboree membership, and am looking forward to a summer of unstructured fun. 

20 months is here! Ben has starting stringing words together to make small sentences. "Blue car", "Mama sit", "I did it", and "one more time" are all current favorites. He's quite able to make it clear what he wants (and can be a little bossy about it) but sometimes he, and I, get frustrated because we just can't understand each other.

We're still dealing with the pushing, and now we've added in a little hitting. Mostly just to Zach and I but it's very frustrating because he knows he shouldn't and will usually say "no hit" just before giving a good whack. I vacillate on how to handle it which I know isn't helping either of us. Consistency is key, or so they tell me. We've also reached a bit of a possessive phase which also isn't really fun, especially when the thing he's trying to get isn't his. Ripping another kids toy from their hands isn't a way for either of us to make friends. Normal but frustrating.

I'm reading a book called, "Raising your Spirited Child" and I think it's helping me understand him a bit better. Spirited kids don't operate on the same level as other kids, and knowing how to approach different situations helps me be, or at least feel, better prepared. Not only physically but mentally. One thing the book said that hit home was just changing your language from negative to positive. Ben isn't pushy, he's determined. He's not into everything, he's curious. He's not hyper, he's energetic. He's not whiny, he's expressive. It's such a simple thing, but it really has helped me shift my thinking.

We've had a string of visitors which has been nice. It's nice to be around family, and have Ben get to know his relatives from across the country. It also means Zach and I can get a night out here and there, which is also very nice. I hear there's things called babysitters which also facilitate this, but I have yet to procure one. Maybe I should try harder, because a night out with a good drink and adult conversation is pretty much the best way to get refreshed.

Spring

I can't believe how fast time is flying, and it's not looking to slow down anytime soon. I feel like the whole year is planned out already! I'm just trying to savor each moment. Ben turned 19 months and is talking up a storm. He learns several new words every day it seems, and words he's been saying for awhile are now said with perfect pronunciation. Just yesterday he started saying "water" (though for now it's more like "why-er") even though he's been signing it for nearly six months. And he's always said "dada" but just this morning it turned into "daddy" (like da-deeeee).

 He's still going through a pushing phase which is very challenging and exhausting but it does seem to be getting a little better. Of all his phases this one is the worst because I feel like he's judged as a bad kid and I'm judged as a bad parent when he goes up to another kid and shoves them over. I really think he just want to play rough, but he has yet to encounter another kid his age that wants to play that way. Yesterday at the park there were two older boys roughhousing and he ran right over and tried to join it.  We're working on it, and I guess that's the best we can do. I've noticed that it gets worse when he's hungry or tired so I try and plan outings around naps and always armed with lots of snacks.

We're getting ready for a parade of company starting in a few weeks which is exciting. Zach's aunt and uncle, grandpa and parents are all coming, plus my mom. It will be nice to have the help not to mention the company. Have I mentioned that not having any family around for thousands of miles is a little lonely? Because it is.

I'm so excited that spring is here. Not that the weather is ever terrible here but spring means blooming flowers, fun trips, baby animals and most importantly more daylight! It's so nice to still have it be light out until after dinner. I remember not so long ago having to leave the park at 4:30 because it was too dark to play. Suffice to say, we're over that!

eighteen

My sweet, smart, bossy and bold little boy is 18 months today.

Within the last few weeks his language skills have exploded. His pronunciation is still a little spotty in that adorable baby voice kind of way, but a lot of things he can say very clearly. He knows all of his colors and can very confidently tell you when things are green (geeeeeeen) or yellow (yehya). The others he knows as well but sometimes needs a little help with how to say them. He also knows all of his letters! This was a surprise to me as I didn't think kids were into letters so young. We started reading an alphabet book about a month ago and it just moved quickly from there.

He loves music and loves to dance. His favorite song? The Jeopardy theme song of course.

He still continues to be fascinated by anything technology related or involving buttons, but thankfully it's not quite to the obsessive level it once was.

His once ravenous apetite has slowed and he's quite picky now. In typical kid fashion he won't entertain the idea of vegetables so I've taken to hiding them in things. He's none the wiser when I stir some squash into his oatmeal.

He's incredibly social, both with adults and other kids. He'll go up to strangers and flash them a smile, and walk up to kids and wrap his arms around them. He especially loves older kids, probably because of daycare where he's one of the younger ones. It makes me happy to have a kid that's not shy (for now). He loves to be the center of attention and will look to you for approval and claps when he thinks he did something good. I could see him being an entertainer of some kind! On the flip side he can also be a bit agressive, not hesitating to push a kid (either bigger or smaller than him) out of the way to get at something he wants. We're working on being gentle but it seems to be a hard concept to teach.

I'm learning to let him explore the world on his own, but I often find it harder than I thought I would. Despite my efforts to let go a little bit I'm usually the helicopter mama buzzing around the playground making sure he doesn't fall from this or jump from that. I know that a few bumps and bruises are going to happen along the way, but I feel like it's better to be safe than sorry and if possible avoid closed head injuries and broken bones. There's a fine line, and I'm working on treading it.

I could go on and on and on, but suffice it to say I'm proud of how much he has grown and how much he can do and I'm excited to see what more he has to show me in the future.

new

A new year. And as it happens, plans changed and we ended up going eastward and spending time with family for the holidays after all. We booked the tickets one afternoon and left the next day. No one can ever say we're not spontaneous! It was nice. Nice to get away and just be adults instead of parents for a bit. Nice to know that Ben was well cared for by people who love him. It was not nice being sick or dealing with ridiculously long flights, but those memories are fading and the good ones are sticking around.

Ben is really picking up language now, which is very fun to witness. Right now he can say grandma, cookie, all done, and of course NO! - he can also make the sounds for monkey, snake and cow. He has also JUST started saying mama. Finally! I was starting to think he was never going to say it, and now every time he does it's like a little symphony for my ears.

The last two days naps have been a bear; today consisted of an hour and half of crying, plus one cry-till-you-puke episode, until he finally gave in three hours after nap time should have been. I hope this is a one off. An adjustment to being back home. Because I can deal with a lot but, hours of crying is a no go.

Zach and I are going somewhere in February, and probably early February at that. Of course, in typical us fashion I have no idea where or when. Still, the prospect of warm sand and melting tropical drinks entice me greatly.

Here's to a great new year. 2013. It's a good thing those Mayans were wrong.

make your own traditions

I've had three people so far tell me this - that not going back East this year to be with family wasn't such a bad thing, as it will allow us to make our own traditions. The problem is that I rather like the ones we already have, so this particular sentiment wasn't all that helpful. I mean, I kind of agree. We're shaping Ben's Christmas experience and we get to do it however we like, but there's a lot to be said for longstanding traditions.

This will be the second year that we've stayed in California for Christmas. After the first time we said we'd never do it again. It was lonely. But that was before we had an energetic baby who makes the prospect of a cross country flight terrifying. So we stay. We long to have family near most of the year anyway, and the holidays just amplify that. I'm drawn to all the sappy commercials of smiling people gathering over long, beautifully decorated tables full of food and even though I know that they were just actors who probably didn't know each other from Adam I always think to myself how lucky they are.

I'm lucky too though, and it's important that I remember that. I'll be here with my little family and we'll have the best Christmas we possibly can. I hope memories are made and happiness abounds. So many people don't even have the chance at that, so despite my previous statements I really am looking forward to Christmas even if it's not quite the way I wish it could be.