peace

There have been lots of peaceful times around the Hirsch household recently. When everyone told me three months old was some magic number, and the fussiness started to disappear then, I was afraid to believe it in case it wasn't true for us. But without counting alllll of my unhatched chicks yet, things do seem to be better. Little Mister and I are on a good schedule. I know if he's hungry or tired or bored. And just this week he started to be able to entertain himself on his playmat, giving me 15 or so minutes of peace to drink my coffee and gear up for the day. The last two days instead of waking up screaming he has awoken peacefully, and given me smiles instead of tears to say good morning. Of course there are still fussy times but I'm enjoying this new happier boy of mine more than I can say with words.

oldskool

Since having a baby, our idea of a wild weekend has changed drastically. But one activity that we've started doing is checking out all of the local parks. It's nice to get out and enjoy the still-nice weather, and the number of parks around here means there's always a new one to explore.
On Saturday we went to a new one (whose name escapes me) and I was delighted to see good old fashioned wooden playground toys. It seems over the last 15 years all of the awesome wooden toys of my youth have been replaced with plastic monstrosities with no character because they're supposedly safer and cheaper to maintain. I say that getting a splinter the size of a toothpick from a creaky old wooden playground is just part of growing up.
Look at these beauties! Who wouldn't want to play on the U.S.S Garcia?

wild edibles

While I was out walking the other day I walked past an office building I had been by many times before. I was looking at their landscaping when I noticed the plants looked oddly familiar, and then I realized they were giant sprawling tomato plants! With tomatoes on them! I don't know how I didn't notice it before. I thought that someone must have dropped a tomato from their salad and it sprouted and grew, but as I continued walking I saw more tomatoes and also a few lettuce and pepper plants - right in the little strip of dirt where you would have expected some generic ground cover plant to be. Someone started a little garden at the ugly grey concrete office building...pretty awesome if you ask me. What a perfect use of soil that would otherwise not serve much of a purpose.

toadstool

I've always been fascinated by mushrooms. They're neither plant nor animal but rather other, and I'm drawn to their weirdness. I especially like when they grow in random little clusters that look like a jolly gnome was cultivating them. I saw these beauts while out walking the little mister.

Oh and they're pretty tasty too.

boo

Even though the first day of Fall was several weeks ago, October is when Fall really starts in my mind. September just doesn't cut it. October also ushers in the Halloween season - a long time favorite of mine. When I was little Halloween was undoubtably my favorite holiday. I would spend a month thinking up the perfect costume, picking out all of it's pieces and trying the stuff on to "practice." When the day finally came I was delirious with excitement. I vividly remember running through the neighborhood until the porch lights started to go off, begging my dad for just one more street. And even though I was very sensitive to scary things (I still am, I can't even watch scary movie trailers. The channel will be changed) I never associated Halloween with fear, just fun.

But part of me, I guess more so now that I'm a parent, wonders if those weren't simpler times. The Halloween decorations I see these days is more about brutal, bloody, gory death, and all of it's various aspects, than the carefree "spookiness" that I remember. The most blood I ever remember associating with halloween was a small dribble that my mom painted on the corner of my mouth when I was a vampire one year. Otherwise, it was all about witches (i loved the green facepaint), and clowns (cute ones, not creepy ones). Decorations were toothy jack-o-lanterns, paper skeletons hanging on doors and those cotton spider webs in peoples bushes. Sometimes there was a tombstone if people wanted to be extra scary. But now, I walk through the isles of Target and it's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre just exploded. And those Halloween stores that set up shop starting late September are even worse. Why does anybody need a bloody corpse to hang from the tree in their front yard or a life size replica of someone getting dismembered with a cleaver? 

I know, I'm being prudish. It's a free country and people can decorate their yards how they want. Kids will be exposed to death eventually anyway. I'm just being super over protective. Blah blah. Yes, kids will eventually have to learn about death but I'd much rather it be a discussion we have over the demise of a goldfish than me having to try to explain that the life size decoration of a man with his throat slit gushing blood is just pretend and it's "all for fun." Spiders and pumpkins and dressing up is fun - bleeding out your jugular is not.

acceptable

unacceptable

the lesser of two evils

I'm happy to report I (almost) made it through my first week of just me and the Little Mister home by ourselves. I say almost because Zach didn't actually start work this week until Tuesday, he came home earlier than usual a couple of days to help me ease into things, and today really just started. But still, I'm giving myself a little credit. 

I've found that navigating through the days often involves a lot of decisions, most of which involve me choosing the lesser of two evils. I realize now, seeing that in print, that I sound terribly pessimistic and Glass Half Empty, but I'm not I assure you. For example, yesterday around 3pm I decided to get Little Mister dressed which is a Herculean feat in itself. I had finally gotten the darn thing on him and he decided to spit up all over the shoulder and down the back. So my choices: Change him and make his already frantic screaming even worse OR let him sit in a wet spit up soaked outfit. I know, you're on the edge of your seat aren't you. "What WILL she choose?" I can hear everyone saying. Well, I chose to just let it be so I didn't turn screaming into frenzied screaming (there's a big difference) and we went for a walk to let him dry out. I felt a little guilty but it turned out to be the right decision. I find that I learn a little better every day what works for us and what doesn't, and I live for the moments when I find something that does and there is peace in the land. Plus, I wouldn't want to be figuring all this out with anyone but him.

happy birthday to you

Happy one month birthday to my Little Mister! Oh yeah, he finally arrived by the way :) I didn't rush to blog about it because nobody knows about this blog yet, and I had other things to do. Like take care of a newborn. I don't feel like typing out the whole birth story right now (maybe when the time fairy grants me a few minutes I will) but suffice it to say it went something like INDUCEMENT> OMG PAIN> NO PROGRESS >EPIDURAL>SWEET RELIEF>PUSHING with some more OMG PAIN> and then TADAAAA. My little Benjamin popped out on August 28th, and was 8 lb 12 oz. I can't believe it's been a whole month, and yet part of me can't believe it's only been a month. That weekend was filled with so many emotions, a hearty dose of pain (it's true you forget most of it), and a happy reward at the end. Sometimes I still can't believe I did it. Zach was wonderful through the whole thing, and continues to be as we adjust to our new life.

Speaking of adjusting, did you know that babies cry? Like a lot? Because I didn't. I mean, of course I knew they cried sometimes but I didn't know they could cry inconsolably for weeks on end. It's terrible to watch a baby cry and feel helpless, especially when you know it's a "I'm in pain" cry. That was basically the first three weeks around here, but I'm happy to report that things have gotten much better. I'm pretty sure he has reflux, which is common in babies and causes a lot of pain, so we got him on some baby Zantac and it seems to be helping a little. Why baby Zantac tastes wretched and only comes in mint flavor I'd like to know, but he takes it like a champ. Benjamin can now entertain himself for a little bit while I take a shower (or at least he did today), and doesn't scream bloody murder every time he's not eating or sleeping. I was seriously afraid that it was going to be like that forever, and may have shed a tear or two envisioning a future of nonstop wailing. But the last few days have given me hope.

As expected, I've had to alter my life a lot. I used to be a slow eater and now most of my meals are consumed in five minutes or less, much to the dismay of my digestive system. I can get him to sleep if I wear him in his Moby wrap, but I have to keep moving/walking/bouncing or it's game over. Case in point, I'm currently writing this entry from the bathroom because the counter is the right hight for my computer to sit on. But I don't mind, and I'm just so happy I can finally DO all of these things that I just dreamed about for the last 9 months.

Taken around three weeks on the first day he stopped crying long enough to grab the camera and take some pictures - happy day!

come out, come out

I'm now six days past due, and trying to stay positive, but it's getting harder. I know that plenty of people go longer than I have, but saying to myself "today could be the day" everyday for the past almost six weeks is starting to wear on me. I don't really have anything to complain about, because it will happen when it happens, but saying that and actually feeling it are starting to be two different things. It doesn't help that I was having regular contractions last night, and really thought "this is it!" and then.....nothing. Second time that's happened.

I thought it was interesting that during my third and final acupuncture appointment yesterday, I could actually feel the baby moving around in a way he hasn't before. Almost undulating himself into position, and then an hour or so later the contractions started. I kind of always thought that acupuncture was an interesting concept, but ultimately with no scientific basis. One of those "you have to believe it for it to work" deals which even though I really wanted to I didn't completely. However, after my appointment yesterday I can't deny that something was happening when I became the human pincushion. I might even consider going again at some point in the future if Western medicine fails me first.

COME OUT BABY. There are nice things here like cheesecake, and monarch butterflies, and that time of day when it's not quite sunset and everything is glowing orange. You'll like it.

tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day. The day that seemed for the better part of a year like it would never come. I've basically been holding my breath waiting for it, and now it's here and it's surreal. The DUE DATE. Dun dun dun. I realize that babies only come on their due date about five percent of the time, and so I'm not really getting my hopes up, but just to know that I made it to this day that's been looming for so long is a comfort in and of itself.

I probably should have started writing about this whole pregnancy process a little sooner than now. It would have been nice to look back on, but I just couldn't allow myself to write about it for some reason. Maybe it's because for months and months (and maybe another month) I was so terrified of something going wrong that I didn't want my feelings about it put down anywhere concrete. As long as they were inside my head they, and he, were safe. I realize now that doesn't make much sense.

I've started blogs before - some just for me, some I've made public. Some I tried to keep to a theme (ala the failed cooking blog when I was inspired by "Julie and Julia"), which usually lost their allure soon after the first post. Some I kept for a few days, some I've kept for years. I don't know what this one will be. I'm trying not to put a label on it. I can guarantee there will be much baby-ness, with probably some crafting, thrifting or whatever else I feel into at the time. I'll try to keep the ranting to a minimum, but to cut it out entirely just wouldn't be me. Mostly, I just want to keep track of the little moments that happen in my life, and the life of my growing family. Because I know how fast they're going to pass.